4th Breakup

I feel three things.
1.      Betrayed
2.      Angry
3.      Stupid

Betrayal. Not only by him, but mostly by ‘our’ friends. He is closer than these ‘friends’ more than me because they’re guys. We all met in high school and been friends since 2007. Last month, he and some of our friends went hiking. There were 4 women who went with them because of our friend’s girlfriend. Knowing my EX and trusting him, I thought he was done looking at others. When the time was counting down that leads to our breakup, I checked his fb messenger and read what he and our friend was talking about. It includes a lady that they went hiking with. I also saw, that they’ve been giving him ‘advice’ that I bet does not say ‘stay with your LDR gf’. It sucks. I felt this before in 2008 with the same people called our ‘friends’.

Angry. I’m freaking angry with the fact that I can’t do anything about this. I let him go. I already know where it would lead and it did, end. I’m in America and he’s in the Philippines. What can I do? I told him, I will do everything that I can, but won’t do everything that he wants. I’m mad at the fact that just because his jealous with the other couples, he did doubt our relationship. In my opinion, we’re strong. We’ve been together over 6 years now and deeply in love. I’ve realized, I’m stronger than him, than us.

Stupid. I feel stupid for thinking that this time, it might be different. That for the nth time, he’ll be stronger than ever. That he will wait for me as I wait for him when he’s in the ocean. He is a sailor that’s why. If I do go home in the Philippines right now, what would I do? Especially that his career is on the ocean, it’s exactly the same thing – LDR. For me, I can work here in America, earn for me and the future and go home when the time is right. He understands that but too weak to fight for this relationship, as always.

The first three break ups were because of LDR as well. The first two we were in the same country but different college. That was just a few hours travel to see each other, same time zone, same everything except for school. Started as high school couple, that was hard especially for our age at that time. The third one is because I was here and he’s not. Bad part is, on this third one, a girl liked him. And when we broke up, he directly talked to that one. After more than a month, he asked to get back together and STUPID me, I said yes, I was happy as always when I’m with him. But not him with me. Same old story, he’s interested in another girl while we are leading to this 4th break up.  

People that I told about regarding the break up:

1.      Gomz – one of the ‘friends’ that I thought would tell me everything. I told him to take care of my EX.
2.      Tanglao – the man that I trust the most regarding talking about this relationship. He’s my friend that will really tell the truth and help as much.
3.      Mama and  Papa

THAT’S IT. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. This is our 4th time breaking up. And, I did not post anything on social media or texted mean messages to him. It was a fast break up. At day one, I packed up everything and hid it. This is it. No more turning back.

So, it’s the 2nd day since our breakup. And I feel, Okay. I’ve done this before and knows how to deal with it now. If there is something I want him to know and realize; He’s weak. And of course, Jee, Thank you.

Song for the moment - Should Know Better than That by Andy Grammer
"Some forgive just to forget. I have not forgotten yet, I still believe in you.
But there is a crack in our cement. This time it's permanent, permanent."

Even if I'm being bitter in here, Please! Spread the Love!