I feel three
things.
1. Betrayed
2. Angry
3. Stupid
Betrayal.
Not only by him, but mostly by ‘our’ friends. He is closer than these ‘friends’
more than me because they’re guys. We all met in high school and been friends
since 2007. Last month, he and some of our friends went hiking. There were 4
women who went with them because of our friend’s girlfriend. Knowing my EX and
trusting him, I thought he was done looking at others. When the time was
counting down that leads to our breakup, I checked his fb messenger and read
what he and our friend was talking about. It includes a lady that they went
hiking with. I also saw, that they’ve been giving him ‘advice’ that I bet does
not say ‘stay with your LDR gf’. It sucks. I felt this before in 2008 with the
same people called our ‘friends’.
Angry. I’m
freaking angry with the fact that I can’t do anything about this. I let him go.
I already know where it would lead and it did, end. I’m in America and he’s in
the Philippines. What can I do? I told him, I will do everything that I can,
but won’t do everything that he wants. I’m mad at the fact that just because
his jealous with the other couples, he did doubt our relationship. In my
opinion, we’re strong. We’ve been together over 6 years now and deeply in love.
I’ve realized, I’m stronger than him, than us.
Stupid. I
feel stupid for thinking that this time, it might be different. That for the nth
time, he’ll be stronger than ever. That he will wait for me as I wait for him
when he’s in the ocean. He is a sailor that’s why. If I do go home in the
Philippines right now, what would I do? Especially that his career is on the
ocean, it’s exactly the same thing – LDR. For me, I can work here in America,
earn for me and the future and go home when the time is right. He understands
that but too weak to fight for this relationship, as always.
The first
three break ups were because of LDR as well. The first two we were in the same
country but different college. That was just a few hours travel to see each
other, same time zone, same everything except for school. Started as high
school couple, that was hard especially for our age at that time. The third one
is because I was here and he’s not. Bad part is, on this third one, a girl liked
him. And when we broke up, he directly talked to that one. After more than a
month, he asked to get back together and STUPID me, I said yes, I was happy as always
when I’m with him. But not him with me. Same old story, he’s interested in
another girl while we are leading to this 4th break up.
People that I told about regarding the break up:
1. Gomz – one of the ‘friends’ that I thought would tell me
everything. I told him to take care of my EX.
2. Tanglao – the man that I trust the most regarding talking
about this relationship. He’s my friend that will
really tell the truth and help as much.
3. Mama and Papa
THAT’S IT. Surprised?
You shouldn’t be. This is our 4th time breaking up. And, I did
not post anything on social media or texted mean messages to him. It was a fast
break up. At day one, I packed up everything and hid it. This is it. No more
turning back.
So, it’s the 2nd day since our breakup. And I feel, Okay. I’ve done this before and knows how
to deal with it now. If there is something I want him to know and realize; He’s
weak. And of course, Jee, Thank you.
Song for the moment - Should Know Better than That by Andy Grammer
"Some forgive just to forget. I have not forgotten yet, I still believe in you.
But there is a crack in our cement. This time it's permanent, permanent."
"Some forgive just to forget. I have not forgotten yet, I still believe in you.
But there is a crack in our cement. This time it's permanent, permanent."
Even if I'm being bitter in here, Please! Spread the Love!