My Ex and I are Stupid

After midnight in January 3rd, he messaged me in Skype. I only blocked him in Imessage and nowhere else. His second message was, how much we'll be spending if we both go to Singapore. I'm like what?? Why me, are you drunk or something. Find someone in there, why drag someone from America, etc. He said he wants to have fun, be wild and carefree. Me, at that time when he first texted was lying in bed, about to go to sleep. Not thinking it through, I replied that's why we get to talk. About how much he wants to forget Philippines, and just have en escape with me. Of course I said no for a couple of times because it'll be crazy. But then, I got to thinking and was excited at it.
Because most of everybody do not know me, I love crazy adventures. I love planning and organizing. I'm extremely excited about where to go, how to go there and be lost. When he asked, after me being mad about us back then, I went to my organizer and think when would be the dates I'll be able to go so I won't lose my job.

It's not even my 3 months since I started at my job. Well, I'm only a part time so requesting which days to work is not a big deal. How weird for me to request my work days not my Off days like everybody. After that stupid dawn of conversation, I slept for about 4 hours. Needed to wake up because we were going to church in the morning. Before heading to the mass, I texted my boss regarding the work days I want to. She said she'll look at it the next day since we are both off. At that day, my Ex are being impatient saying he doesn't want to wait. Well, nobody does but we don't have a choice.
There was a part of me that hoped my boss will say No. So I have a reason to not go with him. At the same time, I have other job/s that I applied for and waiting for their response. At that night, I told him that we stop talking earlier so I can think. He did not stop messaging me saying don't think. Don't sleep, let's just talk. I do not know what he wants or why me or why am I even thinking of going with him if my boss says yes. I feel freaking stupid. For the both  of us but mostly I'm the bigger one.

Before going to work, that's when he usually wakes up. We talked. And when I'm at work, I was anxious. Scared to hear No and nervous to hear Yes. If she says No, I won't be with him and if she says Yes, I'll be stupidest in all exes. I keep telling him that aside from the answer of my manager, there's also others that I applied for. While he's waiting for my response about my boss' decisions, he said Singapore will not go anywhere. We can always do it next time. Don't sacrifice any jobs/opportunities so you can go.
After about an hour after I arrived at work, she asked for me to go to her office. She asked if I got another job since she knows I'm looking for another one. I said no, I'm still waiting for their responses. She said, just let me know so we can work with your schedule. She also mentions she wants me more but she'll take what she can get. After a while I asked about the request work days... She said, "Yeah, That's okay.". Damn, I had mix feelings hearing that.

Now I get to tell him the news. And we're stupid. Because yes, we bought tickets at that day. The day before, I already searched for tickets. Price, length of travel and time wise. Funny part is, the best deals I found has a stop over in the Philippines. Another stupid fact right? Last year when I went home, It's like we've been together a month. But that one month, we were never alone. His siblings, my aunt and uncle. And now he keeps telling me finally we're gonna be alone completely. He says it'll be the fastest time of my life (he's talking about our upcoming trip). Oh! Best part about our travel, we get to be sitting each other in plane from MNL to SIN and vice versa. He talked to someone in the airlines office and since I already bought mine before him, my name's already there and they just changed my seating next to him.
We also talked about where we gonna stay. I tried looking at net, but mostly we liked a lot in Airbnb. The next day, we decided which one to stay at and I reserved it. He'll worry about our food all trip and cash related things. I don't have cash with me only Credit Cards.

I don't know what will happen after our trip. Every time we try to talk about 'us', either he'll say blah blah blah or I'll say next topic. He mentioned 'labels' are not important. I believe that means he's stupid to not be in a relationship which clearly he loves me. And the fact that I'm a moron always agreeing to what he's wanting. Our first night taking, and we both started saying 'baby'.. He said "I'm Stupid" for like five times. After that he murmurs "What are we doing baby?" I did not answer any of that. Just listened to his voice. I know this feeling before. The other night he said "You should've not answered my message in the first place. You always says yes to me so I'm spoiled." And he's right. I feel no pride at that point, worthless and a tool. I'm always an idiot. At the same time, he's the one who can't let go of me and just look for another one as soon as possible in the Philippines. He keeps saying the other girl that he asked his friend if he has a chance with her is nothing.  HAHAHAHAHAH damn, we stupid for real. I just know for a fact that we can't be together when we're not physically together. The question is, do we really both want to move on from each other? Can we really let go or just hang for the future while not being committed to each other? Everybody know that when we are together, we're epic. We can do anything and have fun even in the silliest things.

We are s-t-u-p-i-d.


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