The other day, when the woman that's working on my mother's belly knew that I am 21, she said without blinking an eye, "Ohh, Fun Age!". I answered, Yep. In my mind, I'm like, really fun. With two jobs, no rest day, no friends outside of work, love of my life in the other side of the world, it is really fun. Well, it's my choice anyway. To be here with my parents, to have two jobs that I love.
Fun. I don't even know how it feels anymore. Last time I had fun was in Singapore. Well, I do have fun here once in a while with my mom and dad going somewhere and doing something. But, it's just fun. Nothing to do with my age. If that even make sense. You know how you get with your friends, with your partner, how you act and laugh is not the same when you are with your family. And I miss that. I'm longing for that feeling. To feel that I'm still young and can have fun at all times.
When we were in Singapore, at first night we got lost. We rode the bus and it was raining. We can't see where we are looking through the windows due to moist from the rain outside. We did not have any GPS since our phone's data does not work (too expensive). We finally decided to walked out of the bus. And when we did, we do not know where we are. It was funny. I did not care a single thing about where we are. Because in my mind, we were together, for the whole week. Nobody will care and it will be amazing. I miss that feeling. Being spontaneous, not knowing what will happen, getting lost and finding your way back. Feeling young and wild. Best part is, our parents supported us. They did not spend a thing for us. It was all and him. We were mature going there for a week, and we were children having fun all the time.
I love reading maps. I love thinking where to go next and plan ahead. I know I say I want to get lost. That's too broad. I don't really know what I meant and I can't put it in one sentence. I guess I'm getting tired with acting all mature nowadays.
I have goals and timeline on what I want to have, what I want to pursue. It's my way of being sane looking at the future. It's my technique on how to control pressure and the overwhelming life ahead of me. But then, not all things can be planned. Especially fun times. Those can't be forced nor neglect. I want to have fun again. Unexpected fun and being free. People can never be contented in their life yeah? That must be what you think of me. But no, it's that I'm not contented. I just really miss not worrying about work, money and future. It happens. Especially when you're not with your inspiration.
I want to get lost. Or am I lost? I don't know. It's FUN to find out I guess :|
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