Scared of Karma

I believe that if you do good, good things will come back. If you do bad... you know how it goes.
Just typed Karma on "Bing" and this is what it says. For you that can't understand what I'm trying to say, see the definition below.

Karma means action, work or deed; it also refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual (cause) influence the future of that individual (effect). Good intent and good deed contribute to good karma and future happiness, while bad intent and bad deed contribute to bad karma and future suffering.
I try to be positive all the time. I try to not give tough love on everyone. I'm the one who will tolerate you on something stupid and crazy if I know it will make you happy. Growing up, I've learned to share. Maybe that sound doubtful since I'm an only child but I know that I want to share. Most of the time, I think of others first before I think of myself. That is not such a bad thing. Until, I abuse myself not knowingly will turn into sickness and ignore others advice and such.
Tomorrow, my friends and I are going for a obstacle run. Originally, my plan is with my parents. My father has to work, and newly employed so I can't really force him to go and be absent and my mom just feel awkward without him with me and my friends plus her alibi that she has work before the run. Now that I've decided to use their vouchers for next year, it'll be me and my two friends. Usually, I work on Saturdays. My only off is Sunday, which is still I got to get up early in the morning to go to church. So no lazy day at all. Maybe after the mass sure but the best rest is when you don't have to wake up at any alarm at all.
Maybe about 2 weeks ago, I requested tomorrow to be off. Then a week later, I thought, Nope I'll just work. So I texted our manager and she gave me the last shift (closing). When I told that to my friend, she's like why did you take it back when you could've got it off? I said I don't know.
Today, I told my parents that tomorrow I have a full day to do. Get up early. do the run and work afterwards until 2300, pretty much I get home 2330. Enough time to brush my teeth and get ready for bed which is midnight. I told them I got it off originally but then I changed my mind. And my Mom is like, WHY? I replied, well... (I did not reply anything because I don't know the reason). Then she gave me this look of "You are torturing yourself". And in the back of my mind, Why the hell did not I just have that day off??

After I said goodbye to them, while driving in my car I thought, am I workaholic? I keep complaining how exhausted I am every week and not focusing on the goal. Keep saying I need sleep and rest yet I'm the one doing it to myself. I don't know. It's not even about the money. It's just me. I feel like maybe, when I'm working, I'm productive. I'm useful. I have a purpose. But now, I can also see that I don't have my own time for myself. I don't do laundry often compare before and I can't even help my father wash the dishes at the end of the day. My room's a mess and when I write on my organizer, it's like every week not every day. This is bad.
I'm scared that I will go insane soon. I'm scared that I will get sick on the most important days. I'm scared that something might happen to my parents and I will regret the time that I could've spent time with them instead of working.

On another note, I have a big wish for next month (approval). And I'm scared that it will get denied, because of some good things happening to me. Credit scores are going up, just got approved of a new credit card, raise on my other job (I can ask for one as well at my other job but I'm scared that I will get denied on my wish for next month). It's my fault I got approval for a new credit card. I couldn't resist temptation at the time. Oh please Lord, I don't know what I can sacrifice to make that wish approved. I don't know if I should wish bad things (little) can happen so good one will come our way. I know that's bad but I noticed that that's how it is in life. Roller Coaster. It couldn't just be up, up,  and up. I don't know how to be optimistic when something good happens, you already can feel that the opposite feeling will come.

Sorry for blabbing but, Do you guys think I'm workaholic?


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