Tears of Joy to Tears of Exhaustion in One Day

Good morning!! Happy Tuesday??!! I want you to be happy of course!! Well, I hope I don't make your vibe down because here I am again about to write my own personal experience in this online diary of mine. As two of my categories here - Credits & Finances, I'm kind of obsess when it comes to those. Another categories includes Personal & USCIS which tells the stories of my life and the struggle of our couple on and off to petition to wedding. It's about these all happened in one day. Last Saturday..
My Mama on Terri Peak in Lake Perris, CA
In the morning, I was doing Overtime after breakfast while my husband was on the computer searching for whatever he may pleases. We wake up 0345 on the weekdays now due to his work so on the weekends even though we'd like to sleep in, our body clock is automatically awake to early. Might as well earn something since I'm up. Just while I'm working, I was looking at my husband and felt a moment where I'm so grateful that we are together. That everyday I get to wake up beside him, we get to work together, both struggle of forcing ourselves to go to the gym after work and be lazy as possible after dinner before bed time which is 2000. I was so happy. In front of my computer while in front of me my husband. He sacrificed his life in the Philippines to be with me. I thank him, the government's process to be good, not that it's fast though compare to others, but good because he's here with me now, I thank both of our side of our family and I thank the Lord that's guiding us from the very beginning of this relationship.
 
After lunch, we took a nap. Pretty typical since we woke up so early and I'm done working. While sleeping, we heard a door bell. Even though I was half up I was too lazy to get it so my mom did. I thought it was nothing and continue to stay in bed. When I finally got up and went to my parents' room, my mom was trying on her clothes that she bought online. She even jumped because she thought I was still sleeping and giggled. She said 'You caught me'. After I hugged her I left and she said 'Guess how much these are' and I answered back 'I don't care mom, you bought something again." I felt so harsh after I said that and went back to my room. Told my husband what just happened and he said I was harsh. Didn't want to talk about it more, I stayed quiet and though it more. I miss my friend See since she's the one who always tells me be hard on them if you need to. You keep helping them out yet they buy things they don't need. Afternoon to evening, I was thinking if I was really too harsh. If what I said was acceptable and not disrespectful. My head was so aching I felt the need to threw up. I didn't. There were times I was tearing up overwhelmed with the feeling of stopping myself buying things because of budget while she who was so many debts kept buying clothes that later down the road she'll forget. I hate it more that I was so happy that morning and in the afternoon my husband said I was harsh to my own mother. I'm exhausted.
 
Last year, I got about one grand from my tax refund. I gave it to them no questions asked because I found out that their income is not enough to pay for expenses. I took over our car insurance, payments for our appliances and our HOA fees. I helped them map out budget for about two months or more. I hoped for my mom to follow that. Did she ever? She said yes one time I asked her. But looking at it now, I don't think so. Yesterday, I told her to make her Citi DC switched to Costco Visa. She wasn't in good standing as she missed a payment last September and had to pay for the Penalty Financing. I was so furious. If only you fix your finances regularly, this would never happen. But it did and I feel so stupid because I let it happen and the fact that I could've pretended it. But I only knew yesterday and it makes move out of our house ASAP.

That might be due to emotions, and we're planning to anyway once we earned enough. I want to talk to them and help them out but it seems hopeless for them and for me. For them because my mom even mentioned, I think I'll die without paying of my debt. And me , too scared to hurt my parents' feelings. Too scared to sound an ungrateful spoiled brat who got everything she needed growing up and more. I wanted to right this last Saturday, but didn't have the time to. What happened yesterday made me write this today. It sucks. How do I start the conversation? Hey mom and dad, let's talk about your finances. Let's talk about how mom missed a payment and didn't really care about it. Let's talk about how mom feels annoyed when I talk about credits and stuff when in reality, you look back at me asking for my help when it comes to refinancing the house and help payments with your cruise. Come on. All I want to do is to help. What's worse is I don't feel like you want to help yourself financially. Good luck to me.

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