7 Tips in 7 months as Newlyweds.

They always say the first year of marriage is always the hardest. Not sure why but I kind of see where its coming from. I got married October of last year - it has only been 7 months. 99% of the time, I am happy. That one percent? I don't know, I just don't want to seem fake so I had to leave something I guess. No kidding though, we maybe had one or two (at the most) big fight while being together. Good part is, we both know why and said our sides and probably compromised at the end. As cliché as it sounds, it's all about communication. There are times when I get annoyed and before I tell him, I think if it's really worth of a conversation or I was just exhausted from that day and will get over it. I'll try to be as clear as possible but here are my 7 learning 'tips' out of 7 months of marriage.
  1. Take care of each other. I don't believe in you do all that side, I'll do the other and we won't help each other and be responsible separately. When he cooks, I wash the dishes. When I know he is tired from work, I try to do the rest. When he know I have a headache or PMS, he try to do everything to make me feel better. It's a give and take relationship as all relationships should be. There's no counting points to who did the most and no competition on who's more important in the partnership.
  2. Know when you're wrong. Admit fault and get better. I myself have no problem admitting my fault. But my husband, before had some pride in him. Sexist as it may sounds but that's typical on men. As time goes by, he saw why I was telling him such things not because why I want to parade myself being correct but to help him. We saw progress in each other as time goes by, not only when we got married but from our 9 years on and off as a couple.
  3. Do not compare. This is hard for most people especially with social media everywhere but do not let other couples/people achievements let you have grudge. You will be insecure, then you'll pass it unto your partner then both of you will seek revenge to something or someone who didn't do anything wrong. Don't feed the bad side within you. If others get to travel, let them be. Let them be happy. If others live on their own (unlike us who still live in my parents house), as long as everyone is fine with the situation and it makes sense financially, why not? Be your own.
  4. Don't be pressured into something you don't like to do. As newlyweds, most people will say, are you pregnant? Even my mom's colleagues ask her when she'll be a grandma. My answer, not anytime soon. It's up to me, us, and on the universe whenever it happens. Baby fever can be true but don't give life into this world if you're only pressured to do it. That's just unfair for you, for your husband being tricked as well because of others and your child not being completely welcome into this world.
  5. Understand you are different from each other. There are so many times I tried to tell my husband can you please do it this way instead of this and that. Most of the time it's for us, being organized, planned and for the better. But I noticed even his own clothes, I tried to tell him how to fold it (more like a suggestion because he didn't do it). I told him how the apps on his phone doesn't look organized and he looked me like with annoyance. At that point I realized I was being too much. I can't make him the same as my personality let alone keep the way his belongings same as mine. Even though I fold our clothes and such, he is the one who put it in his drawers. He has his own side and I have mind. Of course I can advice how it can be better, but I can't enforce it as I am his wife, not his boss.
  6. Have your own 'me' time. I love waking up and sleeping next to my husband. But he loves watching the NBA so I let him be. While he does that I read whatever book I can find. If I'm doing something he'll be on his phone catching up with family and friends back in Philippines. Sometimes I get jealous when he doesn't stop talking to them while I want to hug whatsoever. Then I realized, he's with me now. They're not. I can't complain nor be jealous when he talks to them. I need to be mature than that so I let him be. If I still need to work, I let him go workout by himself. If he wants to cook something, I bake so I won't waste my time without him. Once he get some friends, I'll let him go out. That's why before all of this 'marriage', both of us are grateful for the only advantage of being in a long distance relationship - growing independently.
  7. Enjoy the time together. This is the time to look you at your partner when he's busy doing something to really look at him. I've been doing this since then because I want to appreciate my husband. This is the time to talk more and more when you can about planning, frustrations, opinions, etc. around your world. Time to compromise about certain things, let them buy their own toys with their own money. While having no children (yet), no mortgage (at least for us), no one holding our time. Time to tease each other of having a bad smell after your workout together. Time to spoil the other when they're in a bad mood, to help the other financially when it's necessary. Time to justify your family members and don't justify when you just can't and let them rant. It's all about you two, together.

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